You Need To Know These Before Going Into Marriage.

The festive season is fast approaching and it always presents the perfect time to hook up with that someone you have been waiting for all those years. It’s not unusual now days that most of the prayer requests in the different places of worship are marriage based. Everyone, both male and female is praying for marriage. Of course I mean the guys who are single or unmarried as they prefer to be referred to these days.
The thing is most of these people are praying for marriage but they never take their time to research or study the things one should know before becoming Mr. or Mrs. And if you are in that zone, please read on.
Since the Stone Age days marriage has always been the ultimate measure of success. Actually in the old days, unmarried men were not allowed to participate in clan or village meetings and no communal responsibilities were entrusted to them. Unmarried women on the other hand were seen as curses in the community. It was a very big misfortune for a mature lady to been unmarried, leave alone not having children.
But since the merry making season is here, let’s see some of the things to keep in mind before making the decision to know someone better and asking God/Allah for the blessing of marriage;
• Age. Most people say age is just numbers but that is a lie, here I tell you why. Dating back to the creation story, marriage has always been between an older man and a younger woman. I mean the man has to be older than the lady. Adam was older than Eve, and we all know that. Even the prophets and the people written about in the bible like Abraham, Moses, Noah, Joseph, and others all married younger women compared to their own ages. Science also proves that a woman matures much faster than a man, and therefore a man ought to be joined in marriage by a younger lady. Even simple commonsense which is very uncommon these days says that when a man marries a woman his age or the one older than him, in ten years she will be looking like his mother, and no man on earth would want a scenario where you go with your wife for a social gathering and people start questioning whether she is your mother.
• Background. Where someone comes from is very important to know when going for marriage. The social class, financial status, and everything aligned to one’s background has to be put naked before choosing them. It’s funny when a lady from a humble or poor background marries a man from a very rich and arrogant background and she’s looked at as a needy person who wants help. Religion teaches us not to judge and I too believe and practice that, but the common man will never agree to that. Any partner who couples with someone better off than them financially or socially is seen in the eye of the common man, as one looking for rescue. This can be very devastating for the ladies especially, since the man’s family tends to mistreat them in most cases, or even simply be rude to them. And that is very very unloving.
• Character. There is a saying that you can marry someone’s looks but it’s his/her character that you will live with. And I strongly agree with that. The funny thing is we live in a world where there are so many Pharisees and scribes. I mean people who masked who they really are and lie to us each day undercover of who they are not. They pretend and win hearts but when you finally settle with them, their true self comes out. And this can be so heart breaking. Living your entire life with someone full of undesirable characters is hell on earth. And it’s even worse when you couple with the type that never unlearn the bad characters or learn new good characters. I for one, a hundred percent believe anyone can change, but there are some stubborn forks out there who are do or die. They never change. It’s who they and the worst thing that can happen to any innocent soul is to couple with such a person.
• Denomination. Religions seem to be taking over the world these days. Everyone has a place of worship. And no one is willing to leave his/her place of worship to join that of the partner simply because of marriage. So before you start gathering friends and relatives to contribute for your special day, be sure that the two of you are of the same religious denomination. I for one, was baptized in the catholic church, received my first Holly Communion there, and was confirmed a Christian there too, and I will marry in the catholic church and even on my last day on earth it will be a catholic priest sending me off. I will never change my religious denomination simply because of marriage. You reading this don’t just look at me. Position yourself in my shoes and feel what I feel.
• Education. Most people go to school because of the promise of a better future ahead but it’s more than that. Education or let’s say education level also plays a major role in choosing who you will spend the rest of your life with. One fact I know is that there is no educated woman who will willingly and heartily marry an uneducated man. It doesn’t happen. Not in this generation. So education is the key, not just to marriage alone, but if you’re the kind that wants, yarns, looks, and goes for the best of the best like me, then stay educated. I don’t necessarily mean formal education alone. You can read books, listen to or watch informative stuffs that help you grow continuously as a person.
• Family. God created us as a social being and we are just that. You can never make it alone in life. Family in this case, a unit of the society helps a lot. I am sorry for those who lost their families at a younger age and had to go through a lot in this world to find peace, but I hope you’ve found some people you call family. Anyone going into marriage must check out the family of the person you want to say I do to. There will be times right from the wedding preparations up to even your older days together that you will need family support in one way or the other. Family is a must check before any marriage can go on.
Disclaimer; the views expressed in this article are not those of the writer alone, but a reflection of what really matters in the traditional African setting, which still applies though we now live in a global village.
You are free to agree or disagree with me, and you can express that in the comment box below. Thank you for reading. God bless you.



The name Ruva actually has a very bad meaning in the Alur language, my mother tongue.  But that’s none of my business. It has of late played into my favors instead, but let me start with its meaning. Ruva means unluckiness or misfortune. The meaning is so deep that it can be used to describe bad occurrences or misfortunes like the recent hurricanes in the west or the common tsunamis and earthquakes in the Asian countries.

My father says he called me Ruva because prior to my birth, robbers beat him up and made off with all his belongings plus the things he had shopped for the innocent coming Jimmy. He was and still is a trader, but he was huge back then, and due to his lack of change adaptation and learning new skills and businesses, he has gone down a little bit, though he’s still doing and going strong.

Apparently, there are words pronounced in a similar way like Ruva in the Kinyarwanda language, the mother tongue of the country Rwanda where I live now. Words like umva, kuva, and some others I can’t remember now have similar pronunciations, and that have made them think I am one of them. Anyway I’m one of them in spirit. And we share the same great spirit of one love and goodwill. Enough of that, let’s get to the reason for this article.

As a young boy, between the ages 4-14, I was that humble, calm, quiet, intelligent, God fearing kid. I loved God so much and I spent most of my free time in or around church, though I never had special intentions to ask God for. I actually never had any intentions or petitions to God, I just liked being around the mission. It had some great priests.

The young Ruva liked hands -on learning so much that I tried almost everything I could. I loved electronics back then a lot. Good enough my home town Nebbi, was just being lighten up with electricity by the government as I  was growing, and I like watching the electricians do their thing. I would stand for hours observing the guys up on the electric poles and imagine all kind of things. I would even envision myself up there. But this morale was put to a hold one night when my mother beat the hell out of me after I had brought down part of our house’s ceiling board as I tried to figure out the wiring connections of our house in the ceiling board. I was properly caned that night.

In school I loved composition writing in the English language subject more than anything else. It was my favorite part of formal education. I carried this love up to my senior four as English paper one was my most favorite paper of all times. And now I am back at it again. I also had this massive or weird faith as a little boy, and I always believed everything was possible. I always imagined that I will top my class, even with little effort and I would believe my imaginations. Surprisingly, it always worked. I wasn’t the top kid in my classes, but I was always among the top ten throughout my primary education in the Ugandan system.

I’m still young though, just in mid-twenties, but not a kid anymore. May be I should have called this article THE KID RUVA.

To me back then family was everything. I loved my family. May be because I am the last born of my parents, and was and still is among the youngest in the family. In a single year I would stay with my parents, aunt A, aunt B, uncle J, big brother X, big brother Y, and big sister Z. They were all young adults, mostly at campus and freshmen in the workforce world. This gave me a lot of favors. Like during Christmas, it was a tradition for kids to have new clothes. I would get like five pairs of clothes from all these big people plus my parents combined. However the clothes didn’t mean much to me. I loved traveling instead.

As mentioned earlier, my father was a businessman and had branches of his business spread throughout the district. On Sundays after church I would spend the rest of my day moving with his truck distributing stocks from the mother branch or headquarters in Nebbi to the rest of the towns and centers within Nebbi district where he had branches. This really taught me a lot about business and to this day, business is still the only thing that I fancy the most, and that will be my profession for the rest of my life because it’s the only thing that I understand the most.

And there was that one girl. The quiet, smart, intelligent, calm and confident little girl which I would do anything for, including dying for her. This wasn’t anyone in particular but the character that I liked. Every class that I attended had that one girl with that character and I would remotely be her guardian angel. Now this has continued. There’s still that one lady with that character I get to meet everywhere I go. The only difference now is that I always ask her out when I see her. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail, but I will never give up because I think this is the type of lady I’ll spend the rest of my life with. Actually the last lady that I dated had that personality and the relationship was so great. I’m a risk taker and this gives ladies some sense of insecurity. But there’s nothing to worry about. I am just a businessman, and it’s normal to me because that’s my language.

I have decided however to go back to my childhood. I will not be a child anymore, but I will only do the things I did as a child with adulthood modifications. I will love the things I loved back then, explore the things I explored then, love my family like I did back as a kid, and invest in the things I loved as a kid. This may sound complicated given that we live in a fast changing world, but I will do it. I now call upon all my childhood friends and family to tell me those things that they admired, loved, or liked in me. These things will be the foundation for my greatness in Jesus’ name.

Yours sincerely,

Jimmy Ruva


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